14 years of fear and darkness

Art work picture One small drop of fear

Lately I’ve been meeting new people online and in person and the topic of what I did in the past always comes up. I don’t want to bore people with all the details and the truth is, most of it is a flash. I started a job at a convenience store after I had enough of college and quit. I was 20 years old and found myself on the Graveyard Shift, because of fear I stayed working at this job for about 7 years. That’s right, seven years working at a convenience store on the graveyard shift and somehow I had it in my mind that it was were I needed to be. Truth is I wrapped up a bunch of lies and lived with them to keep me warm. Fear has a way of taking control of you and then you start to rely on it and almost look forward to it. Many people would argue that, but that’s because they haven’t taken the time to think about it. Almost every time you suggest something new to someone they immediately rely on fear to help them sort out their decision making process. People that talk about the pro’s and con’s, that’s a load of crap all the way!!! That’s just another way of talking yourself into or out of something. Have you ever seen the silly little things people will count as a pro? It’s fear, it’s fear, it’s fear all the time. A plane could fall out of the sky and kill me write now as I type this, but why live in the fear of that. Same goes for so many opportunities out there, what if this, what if that, what about him, what about her? All these little things that come to help control ever single choice we make. The problem is “not looking high enough for answers to choices” I mean that in several ways. The first one is simply looking at what you really want! If you have a big dream, why not go after it??? People come up with the most stupid reason why not to go after something. When they do that, they are relying and loving their fear. The fear now is their ally and it’s protecting them from chance of any kind. This makes the person feel comfortable and confident in the choice they’ve taken. I could go on and on, but I need to stop. The one good thing is all this darkness and fear is now coming out in some of my artwork in a positive way.

Art work picture One small drop of fear

This is my latest art work. A painting titled,”One small drop of fear”

I said all that because that was me for the 7 years I worked at the convenience store on graveyard shift. Then I finally quit after I couldn’t take the crazy scratch ticket players, crack heads, tweekers, drunks, and overall poopy people,lol. I worked a bit here and there for about 8 months I think, then I went to work as a temp at the post office. Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!! For everyone that thinks they don’t work much at the post office, they are wrong!!!! I can say many bad things about working in that place, but the people in general do work very hard. One reason why it may have been different were I worked was that it was a “processing center” so we had to get mail ready for 50+ other post offices. It was a 24hour operation and we would work 12 hours or more 6 days a week when I started. That was mostly the “casuals” as they called us. Then I got hired on as a PTF (part time flexible) sounds nice doesn’t it,lol? Well, I worked 60+hours a week to start as well. So it was long hard work and I made good money, but I had ZERO life!!!!!! That went on for a few years, then the next few I worked less hours, but it was still graveyard shift and almost impossible to make a life. People don’t really like to get up at midnight and go out for coffee generally :) So making connections outside of your other graveyarders is almost impossible. I stayed working at the USPS all that time because of fear. I knew in my first year I should quit and I stayed because of the false sense of security it gave. When I went to college it was to learn business so I could have my own someday. And I had always wanted to make movies that would change the world, all those ideas got lost in my fear. Then one day things started to change, but that’s for my next blog post, “When things started to change” You’ve just learned more about Carricocreations and me Rosco “Carrico” Crooke. What about you? Have you ever lived in any kind of darkness for long? Have you ever been controlled by fear? P.S. Here’s a link to a blog post I did for a friend recently. Check it out sometime :)  http://artgroupi.blogspot.com/2013/11/artists-in-their-own-words-rosco-crooke.html

I look forward to your comments about what kind of darkness and fear you’ve been in. It’s something to always be exploring and figuring out, so you can move past it!
Where to buy paintings by Rosco “Carrico” Crooke”
Rosco “Carrico” Crooke’s website